There on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

24 05 2008

Decisions. They define everyone, by the choices we make. I was ecstatic to move to Chicago. I fell in love with it shortly after falling in love with the boy. I decided to give up everything to be here, to be with him.

I’d be lying if I said it was easy. When is anything ever easy? Almost a month later, and I still have no job. It’s not for lack of trying. Living on hopes only lasts so long. I lie awake every night wondering if tomorrow is going to be the day that things change. If tomorrow is going to be the day I get the call. But tomorrow still has not come. It’s like groundhog’s day and I can’t stop it.

Things with the boy have been great fortunately. He’s my stability. I question though how long he can take that sort of burden. That’s a great weight to bear, to be everything to someone. Integration with his friends hasn’t gone smoothly at all. Around them I seem to be invisible. As if I’m not even there, as if I don’t exist. My biggest fear is that it will put a strain on my relationship. No one can tolerate that kind of pressure for long. Eventually, sides will be staked and a choice will have to be made. I don’t want to be on the losing side. I would be losing so much more than they would. I would be losing everything.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. But I don’t think I could ever go back. Things wouldn’t be the same. I would feel like the ghost of myself, doing things out of routine instead of want. Instead I’ll wander these unfamiliar streets and try to keep my hopes up. Hope that tomorrow will be the day. Hope that love really is enough.

Advertisements




For my mother

11 05 2008

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there!

My mother is one of the most important people in my life. She’s the person I always turn to when I need advice or just someone to vent to. We can get into an argument over anything, but I know an hour later I can pick up the phone and call her and she won’t be angry. 

Many of my friends don’t have such a close relationship with their mother. They think its weird that I call her at least once a day if not more, even if I really have nothing new to tell her. I just like including her in my life. I think its sad when people don’t have that type of relationship with their mother. It’s far worse to have a mother who isn’t involved in your life than one who is. 

Obviously we have a far from perfect relationship. We have our clashes, our disagreements. Through it all, we know we still have each other. I know everything that I hated listening to growing up was her trying to make me a good person. The kind of person my mom would smile about when people tell her what a good daughter she raised. 

 

five reasons I think my mom is awesome:


1. She gets along with everyone. Literally. Everyone loves her. I used to be embarrassed by it, but now I think it’s pretty cool.
2. She makes the best spaghetti sauce EVER. That’s the one thing I miss most about homecooked meals.
3. She’s rarely said no to anything I (or my brother) wanted unless it was something completely unreasonable.
4. She’s a great listener, she’s always been there when I needed advice, and she’s always encouraged me to follow my dreams.  
5. She still loves me, even when I’m being a pain in the ass spoiled brat.  

 

Mom, thank you for everything. Without you, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today and I am grateful that you gave me life. 

 

Happy Mother’s Day, you deserve it. 





happenings v.10.1

10 05 2008

I’ve officially been a resident of Chicago, IL for a little over a week now. Finally. I made it. It wasn’t without a few hiccups along the way, mostly not being packed 2 days before the move and enlisting the help of my aunt and grandmother. Then there was the wonderful 9 hour journey that really should’ve only taken 7. Groan. Chris spent the better part of the week claiming to be recovering from post uhaul stress syndrome. 

 

Anyway, we’re finally settling in and the place is coming together nicely. Its a gorgeous condo in the South Loop a few blocks from everything basically. Unfortunately my USB cable for my camera decided to go missing after we started to unpack so no pictures to share yet. 

 

I’ve had 2 interviews since I got here. I’m still really hoping to get the one but I’d be excited if I got hired for either of them. I still have my fingers crossed that I get the job in Evanston even though its a bit far. 

 

The transition from long-distance relationship to living together has been much smoother than I anticipated. Both of us seem to be adapting well, and I know I’m happy and he seems to be too. I learned from the last time I lived with someone that communication is very important so its been something to work on but so much easier this time around. 

 

I still know very few people around here so I’m homesick for all my PA friends but I’m sure that will come with time. Chris takes me out with his friends but I usually feel awkward. I get the impression I’m intruding into their group. Fortunately, my old roommate Adam lives here and a few twitter friends do too, so that helps me feel less alone. 

 

And to wrap it all up, five things I’ve done/learned since I moved here:

1. I cannot cook lo mein noodles. EPIC FAIL on that one. I will be attempting to again though.
2. 1/2 mile is not that far to walk, UNLESS you are wearing flip flops. Then it feels eternal.
3. I am now licensed to drive in the state of IL. My car is in PA. I prefer the CTA anyway.
4. It really is windy here. This is not good for hair, unless you prefer the windblown look.
5. Life goes on without cable TV, except during hockey season. Other than that, I rarely miss it.  

 

I miss a few things about Pittsburgh (namely some food, friends, and of course the ability to watch the Pens kick the Flyers ass), but I noticed that there have been a higher ratio of days happy to days unhappy since I moved here. I don’t think thats a coincidence.