A Tale of Two Exes

3 01 2009

Since becoming engaged a week ago,I’ve spent some time reflecting on past relationships. Two in particular, to be specific.

I often post topics related to the present or future, but rarely the past and never about my exes. The time never felt right. However, I believe that you can’t be comfortable with the future if you can’t appreciate the past.

This belief has brought me to thinking a lot about two of my exes, Brad and Benny. They came into my life at different times, and oddly crossed paths (something I would’ve never thought would happen) years later.

Brad was my first true love. He was not my first boyfriend or my “first”, nor I his (yes that first), but he was the first person I ever felt that fire for. Everything about our relationship was a complete roller coaster from the way it started to the way it ended. It seemed we were always breaking up to make up. Of course at the time I thought he was “the one”. We officially ended our relationship when I was 16, but by no means did it end that day.

For the next 6 years, we each took turns chasing after the other but the timing was never right. We would spend so much time rebuiling our friendship that it would spark those feelings in one of us that the other didn’t reciprocate. Things would crash and burn, but somehow those feelings always rose from the ashes. I remember our first kiss, and our last.

Brad was even there to help me pick up the pieces from my most recent breakup, now almost two years past. Which brings me to Benny. Benny and my relationship was more mature than my relationship with Brad.I met benny through a friend, and at the time he was dating someone. I’ll never forget the day I found out they had broken up, and I called him and asked him when we were going out on a date. It was so out of character for me. It must’ve worked though. Benny was the first guy I lived with (that I was dating). I shared my first apartment with him. I’ll also never forget the day I came home and found out he had moved all of his things out while I was working. For a while I thought it was a complete shock. Now I know things had been sour for a while, but we both were too afraid to be on our own. I also broke my first bone that day when I punched the door after he left.

When I made my decision to move to Chicago, Brad asked me to stay and give us one more shot. I’m not sure if Benny knew I was leaving. We hadn’t spoken in almost a year. Ironically, benny is the one I occasionally talk to. I haven’t spoken to brad since he asked me not to leave.

Looking back, I was silly to think I’d end up married to either of them.

Looking back, I thought those loves would never end. What I’ve learned is that love doesn’t necessarily ever end. It just changes and evolves, just like life.